I don’t think that means what you think it means…

Selfish.

Again with the name calling! Again I have been called selfish, and not for the reasons I would normally associate with the word. For instance, I like money. If I got to have money and the other guy didn’t, that would make me happy—and selfish of course. But no, apparently I’m “selfish, inhuman, cold” because I don’t want children. At no point in these thought provoking conversations to I mention that I hate children, I want them all to die, that I’ll break their fingers. Unbeknownst to me, all of that seems to come wrapped up in the phrase “I don’t want children”. It’s a stretch, but being called “cold” and “inhuman” is something that I can wrap my mind around. Sort of. The “cold” comes from being a woman with great child-bearing hips and a tendency to rescue every animal or plant I see—but avoids babies and children. I should be crazy about children because I have a uterus? “Inhuman” probably relates (enlighten me if you know) to the fact that I don’t have this particular human urge to reproduce. Or perhaps it ties into religious reason for some people—I certainly fail to “go forth and multiply”. The thing is, part of my reasoning behind refusing to reproduce is because the rest of humanity does quite enough multiplying.

I don’t see the selfish though. I pulled up the definition online because my paper dictionary is packed away:

self⋅ish
–adjective
1. Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. Characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.
Synonyms:
1. self-interested, self-seeking, egoistic; illiberal, parsimonious, stingy.

Looking at the simple definition, I can’t help but feel that I’m not the selfish one. That fetus (in most cases) doesn’t exist yet—these baby-mongers are thinking about only their own desire to have a child. If they choose to throw motives at me like “I don’t want the human race to die out” I find myself infected with giggles. Really? The fact that you're fertile means you are the savior of humankind? Having a child is not a miracle. It’s biology. Not to mention the fact that humankind is going to out-breed our little planet. We are like lemmings—burdening our environment until a mass-killing is needed to equalize the overpopulation. People don’t think about how much having a child impacts the world. If you consider yourself an environmentalist, or against war, or poverty and hunger, then you would be wise to consider the impact your fertility has on the planet.

I don’t pretend to understand the urge to be pregnant and carry a child to term. I also don’t understand why people take fertility drugs and spends thousands of dollars just so they can be swollen for nine months. I’ve heard a rumor from a friend that worked as an adoption agency counselor that some of those people who go the fertility-drug rout, were denied a child. Usually the denial was based on mental problems. Ominous isn’t it? At any rate, adoption is environmentally sound. So is using contraception or, even better, being sterilized. Each abortion lessen the negative impact that little fetus will have on the planet someday.

So how is this selfish?

I’m not “devoted to or caring only for oneself”—I’m thinking about how everything I do impacts the Earth I love, including humanity itself. If people stopped breeding and our population decreased by ¾ or more within the next hundred years we could probably salvage what’s left of Earth. But that’s just me being overly positive. I think the childfree get a bad reputation in part because having children does free up some of our resources and we can supposedly spend more of our money on luxury items. Of course, most of the childfree people I know, while they appreciate this fact, are not the rich people in the world. I think what we value more than the extra money is the extra time and ability to just drop things and go. Of course, quite a few childfree just can’t handle the strange sounds and smells that come from babies, and could care less about the economical and environmental benefits. On the other hand, if having children is a choice (and it is), then people with children choose to live with a rigid schedule and little spending money. If they are trying to convince me that it isn't a choice so that they reason out why they had children in the first place, then I feel very sad for them.

For me it is a mixture of the environmental cause and the fact that babies just plain make me uncomfortable in a way that turns my stomach and makes me gag. It would be selfish of me to have a child, not thinking about how damaged it would be by knowing that its mother was disgusted by it. And children always know. It would be selfish of you to thrust your baby into my arms, knowing very well how far I want to stay away. Luckily I can muster the feeling that even maggots are “cute” in some sense, so when I tell glowing mothers as much I am not lying. In reality the childfree community gripes more about bad parents—which to us are people who should have never reproduced for one reason or another—then we do bratty kids. Just as good pet owners will gripe about the bad.

Not having children isn’t being selfish, folks. It’s being sensible.

Thanks, but no thanks.

My biological clock isn’t broken. In fact, I’ve been wanting the unthinkable lately. I have the urge to cuddle a drooling, pooping, child. One from which strange smells emanate. Something that will grow like a weed, destroy my possessions, throw food on the floor, and howl for no reason (and at odd hours of the night). I’ll have to dedicate most of my energy to raising it right—but that’s okay!—my maternal instinct must be heard.

Yes, I’d really like a puppy.

I know I’d be a good puppy-mom. There would be the required training (no dog of mine is going to be spoiled); it would get plenty of exercise and the best of diets. Given, of course, that my life situation was radically different than it is today. I refuse to indulge my puppy-cravings when I am unemployed and living in a tiny one bedroom apartment with a guy who is not crazy about the idea of any new pets. I’m sensible, I suppose. Or maybe I just like the idea of having my future pets be healthy, happy, well adjusted individuals who don't rely on me for their emotional well-being!

And I’m still completely baffled by people that have children when they can’t afford to keep them. Why is a pregnancy “always welcome” when someone is unemployed, leeching of friends and family, and stressed beyond belief? Yes, I understand that these people think that they are carrying a complete individual human and that is special to them. Even more, I think these people see only the fantasy world called “parenthood”, and ignore the facts. I can’t ignore the facts—even if I liked children, which I don’t, parenthood wouldn’t be "special" to me. There would have to be a reason behind having a child, and I can’t think of a good one besides "I want one". And really, why do childfree people get pegged as the selfish ones if parents are using that reasoning?

Having a dog, however, makes more sense to me because I’m not naïve of my selfish desire to have others worship me. I’m really a cat person. I sympathize with kitty’s “get out of m’face” attitude, because it’s one I share. Dogs on the other hand are all about loyalty and love. It’s the part of the pack mentality humans haven’t quite perfected. You pour you energy into a puppy, and it pours love, adoration and hero-worship right back at you. Part of me still believes that people have children because they are looking the same kind of trust and adoration from their children. There is a difference of course—any parent that has kids with that in mind shouldn’t even have a dog. These parents are the ones that spoil their kids and are heartbroken when the brat rejects them. They would also spoil a puppy, only to discard it (because it’s just an ‘animal’) when its behavior becomes intolerable. Even if they caused the behavior by never training the poor thing. They never gave it boundaries, which in turn often leads to a dog that isn’t confident and trusting in its own right.

Yes, dogs are a lot like humans. I think having a puppy is analogous in many ways to having a human child. The difference is that they are not human—they are our oldest domesticated partners. We are their pack, and with any good pack relationship there needs to be a leader. People that treat their children as they should a dog—training, positive reinforcement, strict boundaries, and unconditional love—are good parents in my sensibilities.

I still think that the reward compared to the amount of energy invested is much higher for those that choose dogs over human babies. But then again, I’m childfree and always have been. And always will be. As for a puppy? Given time, graduation from law school, and enough money to live in a place where my horses can roam and I have space to exercise a dog..?

I think I’m going to get a Doberman.